Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

I'm not quite sure how I am going to go about this blog. I know what I want to say in my head but I can't think of the best way to write it out. Shoot... feels like the essay I wrote in first period English this morning. Well I'll spare you all of that story, but for this just bear with me as I attempt to make sense of the gobbley guck in my head.

Life has been less than awesome for me lately. I can't really give a time table as to when things started to head south... weeks maybe months ago, but its been long enough for me, that's for sure. You might ask what the matter is, but that is an explanation for my parents ears. Ears that have a higher tolerance than anyone else and don't start bleeding until the later half of the conversation. (yeeea I'm kind of a talker once you get me started). An easy way to put things is this; In just about every corner of my life there's been some tough things to deal with. Some of them have just been major stress, but the bigger ones have been major issues that, now in hindsight of it all, I believe God put in place to really test my character and teach me a few lessons. Like I said before about how long this has been going on, its been a long time coming. Longer then I've actually given thought to up until this past weekend. Years actually. A couple issues in particular that I've shared with my parents and a few trusted loved ones have been slowly gaining speed and difficulty over a good deal of time, but it wasn't until fairly recently this year that I felt the full effects of things and started to get really down. Those same few people that I had confided in with my past issues, I now threw new time consuming and mentally draining conversations at*. As always, they gave me more encouraging words of wisdom in an attempt to brighten things up in my world, but that wasn't the cure-all anymore like it used to be. Not say that those words fell upon deaf ears, but I needed answers now. Answers which I knew could only come from God, but at this time I honestly wasn't feeling so close to Him. I'm not sure what it may have looked like to everyone else outside of my little bubble, but I sort of gave up on praying for the last few weeks. It would cross my mind that I should probably check in with the Big Man, but when it came down to it, I really didn't want to and it became easier to continue on with whatever I was already doing at the time. As I learned very recently though, God was still listening. He's always listening. You can shut your mouth and quiet your mind, but your heart never stops speaking. And if there's anything God listens to the most, I believe its our hearts. The most raw and pure form of our character and soul. Even with that though, we still do need to talk to God about it, and fortunately for me, God had provided plenty of people who prayed for me when I couldn't, and I know God got the message that I need a little helping hand down here. I got that hand. My problems weren't necessarily solved, but within a day or two I suddenly had my entire outlook on my life changed for this season of my life. An old friend whom I missed terribly had come back to me this weekend from some other world. Three awesome photography opportunities opened up in just one morning without any notice. And the following afternoon of that morning, I was forced to put a newly learned lesson to the test with a dear friend. A test to forgive and accept and take people at face value and just appreciate the relationship that I have with them without letting insignificant mishaps slowly tear down that bond. 

So what in the freakin world does ANY of this verbal diarrhea (yes I did just use that phrase) have to do with the picture. Well let me tell you, that is if your ears, or eyes for that matter, aren't too tired yet. The picture is a lovely portrait of my good friend Chloe. I was in another friends car with her on our way from church to her house to spend the afternoon hanging out before we both had to go to a church meeting. In my Art Center class we are currently studying lighting and portraiture, and I saw this car ride as the perfect opportunity to practice what we have been studying. So I sat there snapping picture after picture of Chloe go on and on about who knows what and burst in laughs and song and dancing... if any of you know her, you know exactly what I'm talking about. She was the perfect subject. Every second she had a new expression worth taking a shot of. Later on, as I looked through the pictures I had taken on Sunday, I stopped on this one, and just saw happiness. Happiness... thats what I've been missing. I haven't had too much to be happy about for a little while, but maybe I wasn't looking for it. One of my closest friends, Kirsten, told me over and over to be positive... look towards better things and things will get better. I listened each time, but I didn't internalize it or see what she was talking about. It took a picture like this for me to see it. Happiness has been around me this whole time, but I was so distracted with bad things, that I shoved it all aside. Considering that this picture was taken by random chance and I was just clicking away, maybe God set up this shot in a round about way so he could slap a frozen sample of happiness in my face and say "look yuh idiot. here it is. RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU! you want it? take it." So I did just that this week and so far things are lookin up. So I encourage you, who ever reads this and might feel a little down. Go find the ones you confide in most and spill it all to them. They'll catch you when you fall and make up for your losses, trust me, and God sees that. Vent, pray, and give it all up. As humans we are not at all big enough to really solve the problems that smack us down in life, but as humans we have the ability for emotion. Raw emotion that comes from the heart. So give the raw downer doses to God and do your absolutely very best to fill up the space with some smiles and laughs. There's always someone around that can provide such a medicine and all you've got to do is stick it out and you'll start to see the brighter side of things. Its hard to explain, yes even after all of that, but just give it a shot. It seems to work.

 

P.S. you may have started singing a monty python tune in your head as you read the title. Ahmen to you.

*As a side note I just want to thank those people with all of my heart for their time, energy, and advise. You are my proof that our God is a loving God... I mean after all he gave me you guys.